I dunno mang

First and foremost, I wanna punch Rachael Ray right under the chin. Why she has so many shows on Food Network is beyond me. It's a real toss up who I detest more, her or Cat Cora.

I feel like a bad friend, I can't put my finger on why but I probably wouldn't want anything to do with me if I were someone other than myself. I mean sure I have my positive qualities...but I can't really think of any now, or any I've displayed recently.

Artem and I shot pool today, which was nice and fun, a lot of fun in fact. Even though I almost got my nuts cracked by a flying cue ball, it was still about as good a time as I've had in long time. Next thing shall be bowling. Towards the very end Tanya came, but her perpetual bad mood is just, well, bad. I'm not gonna attack her for it, but I dunno how to handle it, so either I can't say anything or I say something wrong. Sometimes it's like she tries to be cool but then she remembers that she's miserable. And what gets me is, I wanna cheer a bitch up. That applies to pretty much everybitch. But I can't, cuz I'm not the right person, or I'm just not close enough to confide in, or I dunno quite what to say. So I more often than not wind up fucking something up, but I can't seem to leave bad enough alone. You know what I mean.

So we went to Jimmy's, and it was wonderfully pleasant watching sitcoms and eating and chillin, like seriously, it was a real happy day for me. Then Liana came, and perhaps neither one of us wanted to say hi to each other first so we didn't say hi, and then we all went upstairs and minutes later Artem left, which left Tanya keeping to herself, and next thing I know Jimmy hauls out a massive pile of business school textbooks for him and Liana to talk about, and him and her and the stack are totally blocking me from the air conditioner which was just turned on upstairs, so I quickly bailed out on account of not being able to participate in anything and starting to sweat my balls off, and from the two girls I felt a little bit of a bad vibe, but like, I didn't wanna add to a bad vibe by just up and leaving, but I just felt like leaving, but I don't think I put off a bad vibe.

So I came home and watched some Shark Week, and sharks are just amazing friggin things. So tonight I was real bored online and people signed off relatively early, so there was nobody to talk to but Liana and Tanya and I was staying away from Tanya cuz it's like I said above, so Liana and I did a little bit of talking, she was (and probably is) still uneasy or whatever exactly is the right word about how suddenly I decided to not have a problem with her, I'm still uneasy about it myself, but like, I wanted to talk to her and she wanted to leave, but the good thing about Liana is all you have to do is keep talking and be like "don't go" and she won't go for a little while. But I think there was tension, hopefully it'll go away. You know how I have issues about sometimes (not all the time) thinking nobody particularly wants to hang out with me, if I get invited it's just cuz "the crew" is getting invited. Sometimes I feel like I'm next-to-nobody (dare I say "3/5 of somebody" and get a cheap pop from the racists?) when it comes to talking to Tanya and Liana. And like, I don't have a lot of friends, I don't have people from LJ, don't have people from school (yet) and don't have people from petri, so even if people moan how they have no one to hang out with or talk to, odds are I have less. So I'm probably guilty of trying too hard with my peeps, and thats not so good, I get the feeling. Like, regarding comfort levels with people, if you're unlucky enough to fall into my category of good friend, I'm probably too intense and people are like "I don't know you nigga" so to speak, and then I only make it worse. Interesting, I notice, how I'm only referring to girls. So lemme digress and say, wenches. I do so wish it was still bros over hoes all day every day, but everyone's gotta have sex, and wanna have sex, and I sometimes just wanna take a big old scythe and purify the situation.

You know, I don't want there to be any more drama as long as I can avoid it, but I think all the evidence points to there being some kinda malfunction with how I handle friend relationships, so now you see where I'm arriving at I don't feel like a good friend. But I'll feel better about myself like tomorrow or something.

Also a big part of my moody mood at the moment: I saw True Life: I'm Home From Iraq on MTV tonight and it's so heavy, man, that Robbie is over there right now. Like, of course I'm thinking positively and praying for him, but man, if I were the crying type I might lose it even though I still see him online a few days a week.

So there you have it. But I wanna end on a bright note, so: I got a free movie ticket voucher for donating blood! But I ain't gonna use it for a movie that I didn't already plan on seeing, cuz it'd just be a waste if I squandered it on whatever movie I have no interest in. And I probably won't use it in Buffalo either, cuz I understand movies are a bit cheaper up there. So I dunno, we'll see what happens, the only two summer movies I have left on my list are Fantastic Four and Devil's Rejects. My dad, however, lunatic that he is, is firmly against the idea of me donating blood so he got mad. If I coulda, I woulda stayed out after I donated until I could take off the bandage (cuz they said to leave it on for like 3 hours and I don't wanna fuck with what they say) but I couldn't get anyone to hang out, and in hindsight after he was done wiling out, I shoulda gone grocery shopping with Liana and Yelena and Yelena's dad...but that woulda been weird, don'tcha think?

I gotta start mapquesting and packing, cuz Thursday night I leave for Buffalo. YEAAAAH Jennifer you better pick up your phone when we call you once we get up there. You can't be that hard to find, but save us the trouble. Chuch.